I'm an only child -- shocking, I know -- so my parents took hours and HOURS of video. Lucky you. When I was 4, we went to Disney World, and my parents recorded everything. Seriously, everything. However, if you know me at all, you can imagine how often I tried to be in front of the camera. So on this fabulous Throwback Thursday, I invite you into our hotel room as the 1991 edition of Leah shows you around. Hell yeah.
First of all, that hair. Mom, seriously? And what is with my creepy ass smile? I look like I'm bringing you into my murder cave, minus the mouse ears, which are very fashion forward. The main point is that I'm 4 effing years old, and I can work that hotel lock like a professional. Smooth. Come into my murder cave, mother.
Speaking of fashion forward, here's a better look at that collar I'm rocking. Party on, Leah. Oh, here I also explain the sleeping arrangement, because that an important question my mother asks. In case you don't want to watch the video, I'm sleeping in the bed that seems covered in newspapers. I may have been checking on my stocks. I was advanced for my age, giving tours on film and trading stocks.
After a brief introduction to the room, I offer to get my dad a drink. I have to remove the bottle cap (on a water, I might add. 1991 bottled water needed to have the cap removed, like beer. Whaaaaaaat???) and there's some shit in my way. No f*cks were given. Shove that shit in my way right into the sink. Also, push grammie out of the way like a boss. I'm about to go HAM on this water bottle. While wearing mouse ears and that f*cking collar.
To be fair, this is what my mom is wearing. 1991 called --it wants your jeans AND that video camera back.
Let's go check out the bathroom -- obviously -- but ahhhh shit, I can't get the door open. Cue to me asking "who locked this door?!?" Then cue to my grandmother just, uh, opening it. Because no one locked the door, Leah, you just are really really really bad at opening things like doors or jars or syrups at work. Why are my muscles so weak???
IDK, Leah. IDK why you can't open the goddamn door. Good thing you're wearing that sweet collar and those mouse ears, or else this would be SUPER embarrassing.
No comments:
Post a Comment