Fantasy Football Week 4: The Play-By-Play

Okay, I know I'm running late on my post for today - I had to work, and didn't get to do my write up last night.  I actually wondered this morning if anyone (namely Diana) would notice, and who should text me this morning asking about the post but my bestie!  I also just got a text from her saying I have until 6pm to post this, so here it is!

Wednesday: Post-Win panic

• If you saw my post from last week, you know that my QB and one of my receivers had a bye week.  I played people off of my bench, but I also attempted to be intelligent about football and did some reading.  I figured I could take a chance this week, and picked up Vikings QB Teddy Bridgewater, who started this week.  Newbie trying to prove himself?  I only need him for this one week, so I dropped Alex Smith and decided to go big or go home. 

Thursday Night: New York vs. Washington DC

• I do not watch this game because priorities.  Too tired to stay up that late, no players in the game, and I HATE those two teams and only root for injuries if I even bother to watch. 
• Giants win, and Eli Manning has a stupid face.  DONE.

Sunday: Chicago vs. Green Bay (and some snippets of Lions/Jets and Bucs/Steelers)

• I work until 2 on Sunday, so when I get home I put on my eagles t-shirt and a pair of sweat pants (because DAMMIT I'm a lady.  Also it was a LONG day at work, which I will be posting about later this week.  UGH).  I have two players in the Bears/Packers game; Jordy Nelson and Martellus Bennettt, who is badass recently. 
• I get home and settled enough in time to see the last quarter of the game.  I secretly root for the Bears because seriously?  I think we're all closet Chicago fans.  And Aaron Rodgers scarred me forever with that mustache.  I will NEVER forgive him for that.
• Game ends, and I have picked up some solid points from both Bennett and Nelson.  Thanks, guys.  It ends early enough that they switch over to another game.
• Hey, the Jets are loosing!  I am happy about this, because the Jets.  Ugh.  It's like the entire team has that creepy Aaron Rodgers mustache.  Not because of facial hair, but Jets fans make me feel like I need to shower.  I feel conflicted because my matchup for this week is playing Stafford.  I am playing Chris Ivory who has done better than projected, but I should want him to pick up more.... right?
• Nah, still hate the Jets.
• The game ends, and the station switches to the Tampa Bay vs. Pittsburgh game. I am conflicted again because Pittsburgh fans are worse than Jets fans and Le'Veon Bell isn't doing too much for me.  However, Vincent Jackson looks crappy, too.  I am playing both of them.  Damn it, guys.
• Vincent Jackson, way to under perform.  Angry. SO ANGRY.  I am hardcore rooting for the Bucs, but Jackson misses three touchdown opportunities.
• I hate him. 
• Finally catches one with 7 seconds left in the game.  He picks up fantasy points for me AND the Steelers lose lolololololol
• I love everything about football in this moment. 

Sunday: Philadelphia vs. San Francisco

• Leah gets emotional when she watches football, and this is my stream-of-consciousness ramblings that took place during the game:
• You're going to challenge that?  A minute into the game? 
• lolololololol sucks to be you, Harbaugh. 
• I dropped the Eagles defense for San Diego after playing the Eagles last week in fantasy.... wtf.  why???
• I take back all of those comments.  I dropped them for a good reason, and here they go, stinking it up already.  Giving up downs all over the place.
• Check fantasy - SD defense has dropped from 12 to 6 points. assholes.
• Okay maybe I should have played eagles defense. SD is down to three points, GODDAMN IT
• They are absolutely playing "California Love" at the game. I can hear it in the backgound and I totally love it
• Their punting sound effect sounds like the intro to the Backstreet Boys song "Everybody(Backstreet's Back)" 
• JESUS.  One of the Philadelphia touchdowns so far in the game have been scored by the DEFENSE.  And I dropped them.  I hate fantasy football. At least I picked up a Parkey point for his extra point.
• Three touchdowns in and Maclin has done nothing.  At least Parkey is hitting the extra points
• I take a shower during halftime because I love to multitask.  I also really need to wash my hair.  I do not shave my legs because I do not want to miss the start of the second half.  This is not weird for me, I hate shaving my legs.  Sorry not sorry.
• My mother joins me for the third quarter.  I stop liveblogging my reactions.  Instead, I just get mad about how crappy this game is going, both in fantasy and in life.
• ANGER.
• NOT ANGER because my QB pickup is turning out to be an excellent addition.  Bridgewater is going OFF, and I mean that literally because there is a brief clip of him being taken off the field with an ankle injury.  I am not totally upset because he has already scored 23.38 points and now he can't screw it up and lose some. 
• This Eagles game sucks.  They look like crap.  Maclin and Parkey did pretty much nothing after having three great weeks.

Monday Night: New England vs. Kansas City

• This is my first week not having anybody in the Monday night game, and although I'm up by about 30 points going into it, I'm nervous.  So nervous.
• I'm so nervous that I don't watch the game at all, and instead go eat homemade dumplings at a friends house.  I check my fantasy team sporadically, and fall asleep before the game is even over.
• I WAKE UP TO ANOTHER WIN.  AWWWW YEAH.

I LOVE FANTASY FOOTBALLLLLLLL

Throwback Thursday: Home Movies Edition

Happy Thursday, y'all!

I'm an only child -- shocking, I know -- so my parents took hours and HOURS of video.  Lucky you.  When I was 4, we went to Disney World, and my parents recorded everything.  Seriously, everything.  However, if you know me at all, you can imagine how often I tried to be in front of the camera.  So on this fabulous Throwback Thursday, I invite you into our hotel room as the 1991 edition of Leah shows you around.  Hell yeah.

First of all, that hair.  Mom, seriously? And what is with my creepy ass smile?  I look like I'm bringing you into my murder cave, minus the mouse ears, which are very fashion forward.  The main point is that I'm 4 effing years old, and I can work that hotel lock like a professional.  Smooth.  Come into my murder cave, mother.

Speaking of fashion forward, here's a better look at that collar I'm rocking.  Party on, Leah.  Oh, here I also explain the sleeping arrangement, because that an important question my mother asks.  In case you don't want to watch the video, I'm sleeping in the bed that seems covered in newspapers.  I may have been checking on my stocks.  I was advanced for my age, giving tours on film and trading stocks.

 

After a brief introduction to the room, I offer to get my dad a drink.  I have to remove the bottle cap (on a water, I might add.  1991 bottled water needed to have the cap removed, like beer.  Whaaaaaaat???) and there's some shit in my way.  No f*cks were given.  Shove that shit in my way right into the sink.  Also, push grammie out of the way like a boss.  I'm about to go HAM on this water bottle.  While wearing mouse ears and that f*cking collar. 

 

To be fair, this is what my mom is wearing.  1991 called --it wants your jeans AND that video camera back. 

 

 Let's go check out the bathroom -- obviously -- but ahhhh shit, I can't get the door open.  Cue to me asking "who locked this door?!?"  Then cue to my grandmother just, uh, opening it.  Because no one locked the door, Leah, you just are really really really bad at opening things like doors or jars or syrups at work.  Why are my muscles so weak???

 IDK, Leah.  IDK why you can't open the goddamn door.  Good thing you're wearing that sweet collar and those mouse ears, or else this would be SUPER embarrassing.



 

 

Tour Guide Leah, 1991

Fantasy Football Week 3: The Play-By-Play

That's right, kiddos, it's the week 3 wrap-up.   Don't call it a comeback!!!  No, actually, you can. FANTASY FOOTBALLLLLL!!!

Tuesday Morning: Post-Loss Recoup

• Leah goes through the 7-Stages of Fantasy Football loss grief; these include drinking too much coffee, eating dairy-based food stuffs (oooh, lordy, lactose intolerance), and yelling at people for making terrible player suggestions.  These also including crying at work, because I am PMSing and overwhelmed.  Also, stop ordering salted caramel mocha's -- I beg you, they are the worst drink ever.
• I cry a second time at work because my hands are disgustingly sticky from making yet another SCM.  I quit today.
• Decide not to ask anyone else for advice this entire season.  Go home and pass out accidentally for a couple of hours still wearing my work pants.  It happens.

Wednesday Evening: Let's make some moves!

• I am feeling newly empowered by my decision to go with my gut (and all of my online research) about players for this week; feminism! (???)
• I've decided that Maclin is going to be my secret weapon this season, pending injuries (please, Jeremy, please don't get hurt.  Again.) and I keep him on my starting line-up.  I also continue to be impressed with Parkey, who was my last round pick during the draft after seeing him nail a killer FG during a pre-season game.  I also pick up the Eagles defense for this week, because the Redskins (lololololol). 
• Have a moment of conflict after loading my roster with my home team players.
• It's gone.  Go Eagles!

Thursday Night: Tampa Bay vs. Atlanta

• I have no one playing in this game, but my match-up (team name "Hurricane Julio") has -- wait for it -- Julio Jones, and racks up 28.1 points in the game.  Damnnnnnnn.
• I fall asleep early because I always work in the morning on Fridays, but wake up a few times during the night -- my least favorite wake-up in a text from my dad that just says "Julio Jones is having a big game.  Sorry."
• Thanks, Dad.
• Stress about all of my choices for Sunday.  Read the internet.  Move my roster.
• Move everything back to the way it was on Wednesday.  F*ck it.

Friday and Saturday: STOP OVER THINKING

• I stop looking at my line-up completely.  Instead, I get a haircut on Saturday.
• Accidental bob.  I cut too much off.  It's short.  I hate it.  But I don't.  So much conflict; I am distracted enough by my lack of hair to not worry so much about football.

Sunday Afternoon:  EAGLES.  EAGLES!

• Poppa bear and I head out around 10am for the game.  We get there around 11:30 -- gotta stop for hoagies -- and it's already PACKED.  There are people in the stadium already.  Slow your roll, crazies. 
• I decide I'm not going to check my fantasy team until after the game -- but the new stadium set-up makes that a pointless decision.  There are fantasy stats all over the place during the game.
• Quick Eagles recap -- fights, fights, more fights, 4 people tossed from our section, Maclin is the BEST.  Parkey is a badass.  Eagles defense, eh, but solid enough to pull points for me.
• Realize my dad is the absolute best -- every time Maclin does something, he high-fives me and yells 'fantasy points!' -- we are, in fact, related.
• Fantasy is ruining my life again -- as the Eagles run down the clock, I turn to my dad to complain that they haven't brought Parkey in for a last FG attempt -- just so I can pull off a few more fantasy points. 

Sunday Afternoon: Various games, and DAMMIT PEYTON.

• Peyton Manning makes me so mad.  Mostly because I don't like him, but have to root for him.  He's been consistent so far, but hasn't really gone off.  My issue is REALLY with Demariyus Thomas, who has underperformed EVERY WEEK.  STOP THROWING TO THE OTHER THOMAS, DAMMIT PEYTON.
• Realize that I not only make Harry Potter references consistently in my day-to-day life, but also during football, especially now.  Fantasy Points = House Points, obviously.  I want to win the Quidditch Cup.  And, really, isn't a player earning a decent amount of points for your fantasy team, but still losing the game, isn't that just a little tiny bit like Viktor Krum catching the golden snitch during the World Cup game in 1994 against Ireland?
• Realize I need to cool it with these Harry Potter references.
• I am still losing by a lot of points, and I basically give up on this week.  After being cocky as a result of my week one win, this is a bummer.  I wanted to win ALL THE POINTS.
• I played Jordy Nelson over Vincent Jackson this week. lolololololol what is my life?
• Sunday night starts to look a bit brighter -- Le'Veon Bell goes OFF, and as much as I hate the Steelers, he's pushing me toward a surprising come back win for week three.
• TEN POINTS TO RAVENCLAW!  (Obviously I'm in Ravenclaw, come on now)
• By the time I fall asleep, I've officially won this week, and I still have another player left for Monday night.
• Cue the maniacal laughter and multiple texts from my dad.

Monday Night: Bears vs. Jets

James Potter was a CHASER, idiots.  UGH.

• I follow the game on my phone because I have Martellus Bennett on my team.
• AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH I love fantasy football.
• 125 to 100, sorry not sorry.  First place in our league, sorry not sorry.

Right Now: Ahhh, ****

• Denver has a BYE week next week.
• I knew that but forgot.
• I'm going to go read some Harry Potter now.  Strategize.

Some Monday Motivation: F*ck it, I quit

In case you haven't seen this clip making the rounds on the internet this morning, Alaskan TV reporter Charlo Greene quit her job in a most spectacular fashion.  After wrapping up a story on the Alaska Cannabis Club, she announced that she was, in fact, the owner of the club and would be leaving her job at KTVA to fight to legalize marijuana in Alaska.

Political affiliations aside, announcing "f*ck it, I quit" on live television is pretty badass.  Not sure what circumstances surrounded her departure (and a quick google search didn't give me much more information... not that I spent a ton of time on it, sorry not sorry, I need to take a shower) but the statement about not having a choice is interesting.  If she was being forced out for various reasons, then HELL YEAH, quit on your own terms.  I also love her casual shrug, and the metaphorical mic drop that happened in my head when I watched her just walk off the screen. Plus, the awkward reaction of the other anchor is yet another reason why this video just made my Monday morning.

So if you are trudging miserably through your day, just picture yourself announcing "f*ck it, I quit" and enjoy!

Oh, and if you hadn't figured it out already, this video is NSFW unless, of course, you can say the f-word at work.  Then all bets are off, and I want to work with you.

Throwback Thursday - guilty pleasures edition

Hey, hey, party people.

That was the worst opening ever, but I'm going to keep it so you understand what my mindset is going in to this week's edition of Throwback Thursday!  A bit of background for you all; at the tender and innocent age of 16, my friend and I had a notebook we would write to each other in and pass back and forth in between classes (or, as several pages would indicate, while we were sitting next to each other in band meetings).  These notes are hilarious and oh-so awkward, but I will openly admit that the friend in question is much more amusing than I am.  Downside, I don't want to post anything that she wrote/drew without her knowledge or consent, so you just have to believe me when I say she was (and still is) one of the funniest people in the entire world. 

Marching band, circa 2003

 A decent chunk of the notebook is comics she drew about the ins and outs of our everyday lives, and another chunk is top ten lists in various categories.  Many of our notes are about our romantic misadventures and failed high-school love affairs with boys one year younger than we were (are, I guess, since those boys will always be a year younger...).  We both had crushes on boys in marching band who were a year younger, which might be why my mom once called me a cougar....

With that knowledge in hand, and the timeframe of "I was 16 when i wrote this," I present to you my...

Top Ten Guilty Pleasures

10. The Proud Family

9. The Man Show

8. Really depressing emo music

7. George Clooney, even though he's super old

6. So Graham Norton

5. Hello Kitty

4. Edward Gorey books

3. Going on the swings

2. The song 'Hot in Herre'

1. Sophomore Boys

Happy Thursday, y'all!

Fantasy Football Week 2: the play-by-play

Well, week 2 of my fantasy football adventure has come and gone, and my match-up for this week has already sent me some snarky comments (hope you're enjoying Hawaii, you jerk.  Just kidding, it's my friend's dad and that's rude of me.  Love ya, Squid, you jerk) about crying into my latte. Remember last week when I said I wanted to win ALL OF THE POINTS?  Yeah.  UGH.

Wednesday Morning: STRATEGIZE, DAMMIT

• Today is the first day that I can add and drop players for week two.  I look at my match-up for this week; I am playing my friend Diana's father, Squid (don't ask, just know he is not a large aquatic creature with access to the internet, but instead a Bostonian of Irish descent who likes to remind me to watch out for the EMBAHHHHS). 
• Realize I've spent OVER AN HOUR reading BleacherReport.com articles and previews and YOU GUYS WHAT AM I DOING??? I have off work today, and was supposed to be prepping my Crockpot Paleo Chili (whatever, haters) and instead it's now 9:30am I all I've accomplished is making a cup of coffee and washing my face.
• Goddamn it all, now it's 10am and I need to put real pants on and be a productive member of society.  It's fine
• Text a friend to ask who to play this week -- Vincent Jackson, or Jordy Nelson.  He texts back "VJ" and I listen.  I will later on be furious with him, but for now, I'm feeling pretty good about my team going into this week.

Thursday: Pittsburgh vs. Baltimore (and depression sets in)

• This is not a suitable post for my thoughts on the Ray Rice situation -- I'm not sure if I'll ever feel comfortable expressing my feelings on the NFL and what the organization represents -- but Wednesday night into Thursday I cannot keep myself away from articles and posts about Domestic Violence and the NFL.  It becomes really depressing and I feel very overwhelmed about the entire issue. 
• That being said, I do not watch the Thursday night game because I cannot stand either of those teams.  Le'Veon Bell does nothing for me (okay, he does some things, but not enough for me to cheer up).  Also I had to be at work at FIVE IN THE MORNING on Friday, so nope, no thank you, I'll be in bed before that game even starts. It's fine.

Sunday: Green Bay vs. New York

• I got home from work around 4 on Sunday afternoon, put on sweatpants, and turned on the game -- THE game, since we only ever get one.  We have a billion baseball channels, so I guess I'm spoiled.  It's fine.
• Until it's not fine at all, because someone suggested it would be better to play Vincent Jackson instead of Jordy Nelson who KILLS IT and ends up with 26.9 fantasy points all while sitting on my bench.  I don't even watch the entire game because I'm just so goddamn cranky.  I spend the evening decompressing with my friend, Marissa, and then eating too much food at a diner.  It's fine.
• Realize while out that I've watched about 45 minutes of football this entire weekend.  Part of why I was excited to play fantasy was to become interested and invested in teams other than my own, but this week was soured by all the controversy, and I didn't watch much.  Again, it's FINE.

Monday Night: Philadelphia vs. Indianapolis

• Like last week, Leah has to work during part of the game. And, much like last week, when I finish my shift and check my phone, the Eagles are playing like crap and losing.  Seriously, guys?  Get it together already!
• Listen to the game on the radio on the drive home.  Nothing good happens.  NOTHING.  I get home and change into sweatpants, because I do what I want, and get a score alert that the Eagles have scored.  Of course, this happens in the two minute window of me getting out of my car and before turning on the TV.  Thanks, football gods.  It's fine,
• Realize that the one benefit to being so far behind in fantasy this week is that I have players in tonight's game, and my enemy does not.  They are both on the Eagles, so I can firmly root for my own team without any conflict.  Also, I only need to get around 20 points to win. It's fine
• Realize that if I'd played Nelson, this wouldn't be an issue.  Send a few angry texts.
• Realize that my two players in the game are Maclin and Parkey.  So I need the Eagles to win, because they're my team, but I need all the points to be Maclin TDs or Parkey FGs.  This is totally rational and possible and I feel a strange urge to root against Shady, but it's fine. 
• This must be what Hell is like.  The Eagles look ridiculous, and I'm cursing myself for not picking up Sproles (I considered it, but decided not to be too Eagles heavy).
• 4th Quarter begins.  IND scores a touchdown.  Rage begins, because there is nothing I hate more than staying up late to watch a team lose.  I drank extra coffee at work for this crap.  I begin yelling at the television, which is okay because no one is home.  Yeah, I live with my parents and they're at the Tom Petty concert, so I can be football angry without anyone staring at me.  Also, living with my parents is how I get a million baseball channels.  It's FINE.
• The Eagles score a touchdown.  It's a Maclin touchdown.  Parkey gets the extra point.  FANTASY POINTS. OH MY GOD, FANTASY POINTS.  The game is tied. IND can't make anything happen and Philly gets the ball back.
• No, I take back what I said earlier.  THIS IS WHAT HELL IS LIKE.  Parkey is going to come in and kick, and he will most certainly make it, and we will win the game. At this moment, I feel such conflict and start thinking about possibilities -- going into OT means more opportunities for Maclin to earn more points, I'm only behind by about 8, so if Parkey misses this, no wait that means he'll lose points, and that means... WAIT.  Am I actually considering the possibility of not winning the game right now and going to bed so I can win this week in fantasy?  I am a monster.  Parkey's kick is good.  The game is over.  I've lost this week in fantasy, but at least the Eagles pulled out a win.

Lessons learned during week two:  don't ask anyone who you should b play, because if it ends up being the wrong choice, friendships will crumble and fall.  If I'm going to lose week three, it'll be because of my stupid choices. 

Cardigans

Natalie Dee knows what's up

I woke up this morning absolutely freezing.  Granted, I slept with my windows open, and yes, I know I am always freezing -- I'm typing this under two blankets, actually -- but still!  Fall is in the near future, and I couldn't be happier.  Cardigan and boot weather is the best kind of weather, and pretty much everyone agrees.  I have an entire section of my closet devoted to cardigans -- arranged, of course, by color -- and it takes up more space that my pants. Seriously, I have a problem.

Fall is the start to so many things that are wonderful and amazing, and second only to cardigans in my world is pumpkin beer.  Ohhhh, pumpkin beer, how I love you.  But that is neither here nor there.  With a distinct chill in the air, and the leaves starting to change, and my outfit today that consisted of boots and a cardigan, I think it's time for a list of reasons why I love fall!  That's what people do, right?

Reasons Why Leah Loves Fall

1. I'm a white twenty-something female from the Mid-Atlantic region of the United States.

 

 

Enjoy the weather today, and I really hope the Eagles win because I am going to lose fantasy this week. No, really, unless Maclin carries all game and every point scored is a Parkey FG, I'm going to lose fantasy.  Look for a post tomorrow morning!

 

I took this picture specifically for this blog post today.  I even stood by some dead leaves because AUTUMN IS UPON US.  I also don't know how people post these shots on Instagram all the time because I had to stand at a weird angle to take this. 



Throwback Thursday: *Bonus if it's moving*

Welcome to Throwback Thursday, where we travel back in time to earlier parts of my life for your endless amusement.  This week we take it back to junior year of high school, y'all, for a 35 item checklist that I found a few days ago and had completely forgotten existed.
I absolutely will not name my co-author -- unless, of course, she wants to be cited -- and I also really hope my family members aren't reading this; anonymous friend and I drafted a checklist of "Places to Snog" (we were really into the Louise Rennison series -- my god, the list isn't even up and this is already HELLA embarrassing), typed it up, and each had our own copy.  At the time, we were both sixteen years old, and some of these locations seemed very romantic. Especially #17,which is totally a place where adults make-out. No wording has been changed from the original, although I did add a few italicized comments where my input was necessary.
I refuse to admit which places are checked off, but I did go through and mentally update it.  I also will never be able to accomplish #35 because I am terrified of horses. 
Go ahead and compare your own history.  If anyone can check off every location PLUS the bonus points for a score of 38/35, I'll give you a shout-out in next week's Throwback Thursday post.  Enjoy.

Places to Snog:

1 - In a tree

2 - On the beach

3 - In the rain

4 - In the shower

5 - On the swings

6 - In a tent

7 - In California

8 - Under the bleachers

9 - On top of a big hill (WTF, this is so oddly specific)

10 - On a boat

11 - In the ocean

12 - While dancing

13 - At a concert

14 - In a plane/train/subway

15 - In bed

16 - Dugout/Pitchers mound

17 - Closet of some sort

18 - In a church/temple/place of worship (straight to hell, everybody)

19 - Supermarket

20 - Backseat of a car

21 - Front seat of a car *bonus if it's moving*

22 - Hammock

23 - Museum

24 - Hot tub

25 - In the big poofy chairs at the Starbucks in New Hope (THIS IS MY FAVORITE BECAUSE I WORK HERE NOW)

26 - Couch

27 - Being dropped off at the door *front porch type of thing*

28 - In the movies

29 - Theme park *bonus if it's Disney*

30 - Kitchen counter

31 - Ski lift

32 - On the roof

33 - In a foreign country

34 - On stage

35 - On a horse *bonus if it's moving*

Fantasy Football Week 1: the play-by-play

Week one of fantasy football has come and gone, and I now understand the attraction and the draw; while playing with more than one team just seems like it would be too much work and oddly stressful, I am revoking my statement from last week about not wanting to win.  I want to win ALL THE POINTS.  Here's how week one went down:

Thursday Night: Green Bay vs. Seattle

• Okay, full disclaimer: Jordy Nelson is on my fantasy team, and I probably should have watched this game, but Leah had to open on Friday morning, so no thanks.  I got in bed around 8:30 and woke up at 4:30 the next morning to 8.3 points.  Still not sure what that even means, but I put it out of my mind. 
• Also, I'm not sure I was even functional enough to understand numbers that early in the morning.

Sunday: Philadelphia vs. Jacksonville

• I had to open on Sunday and I was scheduled until 1:30, so I didn't get to go to the Eagles game.  Leah was cranky and reallyyyyyy wanted to leave work early, but alas.  It was CRAY CRAY busy, people were obnoxious, and I just wanted to GTFO.
• At exactly 1:29pm I clock out in our back office while simultaneously opening my sports app to check the Eagles score.  Become ENRAGED to see that Nick Foles has already managed two fumbles and the score is 13-0.  Storm out of work while complaining loudly to anyone will listen about how terrible this is and how angry I am that I'm rushing home to watch "this crap," much to the amusement of multiple customers still in line.
• On the ride home, I hear Nick Foles get sacked.  I quit everything.
• Once home, I plant myself on the basement couch and finally check my fantasy team.  The girl I'm playing literally has negative points with Nick Foles as her qb.  I text her something that roughly translates to "lololololol Foles but not really because I'm an Eagles fan" and we go back and forth a bit. 
• The first half of the game ends and I realize I've been stress eating a bag of sweet potato chips, so I remove them from my presence.  Then I eat three cookies with pumpkin chips in them -- which, by the way, are AMAZING -- and realize I may turn orange from what I've ingested.  This, however, is appropriate because I have to support Peyton Manning tonight because he's on my fantasy team.**
• I finally figure out how to change my team name on the Yahoo! Fantasy Football app, and go with "I can't even" because I am a white girl and this game is bullshit.
• Second half begins, and things start looking up.  Kara has Ertz on her fantasy team, and she is KILLING it with him, but I can't be upset because my team has comeback from the embarrassing POS first half.  I realize Maclin has done pretty well for me; I will hang on to him until his next season ending injury because he's my fav.
• The game ends and Kara is beating me in fantasy, but the Eagles win.  Feel moment of conflict.  Realize I am becoming competitive.  Also realize I still don't quite get how this all works and will probably lose. Eat another cookie.

Sunday: Various teams of less importance than the Eagles

• The only game on in my area is the San Fran vs. Dallas game.  I have no players from either of these teams on my fantasy line-up, plus I'm hungry somehow, so I only watch long enough for evidence to present to my friends who are fans of the Cowboys that Romo is a version of Eli Manning -- confused face, but not the open mouth breathing technique Eli has -- and send a few sassy texts about Tony Romo and his stupid face  Luckily, I don't have to wait very long for the face. Texts sent.
• I check my points from time to time, and as much as I can't stand the Steelers, Le'Veon Bell is scoring a ton of points.  Thank you, but I hate your name.

Sunday: Indianapolis Vs. Denver

• I have both Peyton Manning and Demaryius Thomas on my fantasy team.  I also have the Denver defense, which is killing me because UGH DENVER.  I figure out how to drop and add players, and pick up San Diego for the Monday night game instead. PHEW.
• Manning starts the game with 4 passes to Thomas... 3 of them are incomplete.  Thanks, assholes.
• Manning then throws to the OTHER THOMAS.  He is clearly not understanding my needs in this game.  DAMMIT PEYTON.  Kara has Emmanel Sanders on her team, and I immediately start wishing for injury.  Nothing serious, but enough to keep him out for the rest of this game.  I'm not THAT awful.
• Because I have been up since 4:30 this morning, and have to be at work early tomorrow, I fall asleep midway through the third quarter but wake-up each time something happens because I can't figure out how to turn off the game updates. 

Monday: God, now I'm in this.  And math is difficult.

• When I wake up, I am still ahead of Kara, but she has two players in the Giants/Lions game and I am rocking the San Diego Defense.  I do math: projected points means I will beat her by less than one point.
• Stress.
• I want to win this damn thing.
• I am not home for the Giants/Lions game because I go to dinner with some friends.  I bring my phone charger so I can continually check my fantasy points.  While there, a thumb gets sliced open with a blender blade, and I do not check my phone for about 15 minutes.  When things calm down, I do.  Kara is still behind me.  I do not announce this to my dinner partners because, you know, there was just blood everywhere.
• By the time I get home and into bed, it's set that I have won this week; going into the late game, I am already ahead of Kara.
• I get cocky and send some texts. 

Tuesday Morning: MUST CHECK TEAM ROSTER

• I start looking at my next match-up.  I get it, a little bit.  I like this.  It's fun.  It makes watching other teams more exciting.  I do some googling and end up dropping a few players from my bench and picking up some others.  Next week I'm against my friend's dad.
• WATCH OUT, SQUID, I'M COMING FOR YOU.

** I actually own a Broncos T-Shirt.  It was a Christmas gift from my dad (my mom got one, too); he bought them at the Denver airport.  They are Tebow T-Shirts because my dad went to UF.  I do not wear it in public.

Leah Attempts Fantasy Football; Hilarity Ensues

Growing up, I was always aware of football; I’m from the Philadelphia suburbs (go iggles!) and a decent amount of my family members, my father included, are University of Florida grads (go gators!). 

It wasn’t until I went to college that my affinity for the Philadelphia Eagles was cemented.  I went to college outside of Baltimore, a college where the Ravens used to hold their training camp, and I could not stand the infiltration of our campus with fans and players.  I understood obnoxious football fans, but this was a different level.  It should have been the dislike of the Redskins fans, what with my healthy hatred of all other NFC East teams, but having classes with, living with, dealing with, and even dating Baltimore fans was draining.  I won’t get into my level of dislike here, owing to the number of friends I still have who support the team – also I don’t want to get stabbed or knocked out in an elevator. Too soon? 

My point is that being in a sea of purple made me cling to my hometown team even harder, going to sports bars to catch out of market games, hiding alone in my room watching the online play-by-play while my roommates yelled in the family room, wearing my Eagles attire to work on ‘purple Fridays.’  What started out as a side-note became a huge part of my life.

Football will never replace baseball in my life as my favorite sport, nor will I ever understand it the way I understand baseball, but spending Sunday afternoons in the city with my dad is part of our routine.  I don’t wear a pink jersey, or carry a purse into the stadium; we drink beer in the parking lot, and complain about bad calls on the ride home.  It’s the best type of father-daughter bonding, but my dad is also more of a baseball guy.  He plays in a very intense fantasy league, so when I wanted to try fantasy football, I never had solid place to start.

The idea started a few years back; play a season of fantasy football, and document what it was like for a first timer, but I didn’t want to join a league of seasoned players, and could never drum up enough interest to start my own.  I tossed it around at the start of every season, but it wasn’t until my friend’s family invited me into a league that I had a chance to get involved.  I was thrilled!  And then promptly forgot that I was supposed to join and create and team and prep for the draft.  Oops.
I’m a very anxious person by nature; I over-plan and over-prepare and I do not like surprises.  So two hours before I was supposed to participate in a fantasy draft, I had done nothing to ready myself for the night.  I immediately began stressing out, reading online articles about how a fantasy draft worked, texting my friend who is in three leagues, played, and coaches for advice.  He started going on and on about draft positions and snake-drafts and different options for different scenarios.  He gave me some tips using terminology I didn’t understand at first, and some seemingly logical pointers that I honestly wouldn’t have considered on my own (make sure your computer can run the system! Watch for Bye weeks!).  My dad then offered some advice, but I went into it completely blind.  I didn’t know how the draft would even work, and when I tried to log-in, my computer decided to freeze and restart.  LOVELY.


I finally got into our league (‘The Loozahs,’ due to the large amount of Pat’s fans I’m playing with), and the clock started running.  My anxiety kicked into full swing; I was hitting the wrong buttons and queuing players by accident, and my first pick was an accidental one (it was Demariyus Thomas, so I guess it could have been worse).  As I was simultaneously trying to figure out how to even work the damn website, I was getting texts from my football friend asking what was going on – poor guy, I sent him an ALL CAPS TEXT telling him to stop asking questions while I panicked. I was trying to read the ESPN top 200 fantasy draft list on my tablet, looking at the names I’d jotted down per conversations with those more intelligent about this fake sport, and trying to figure out Yahoo – side note, I hate you, Yahoo, and I will not give you the exclamation point because you do not deserve one – and I was getting really twitchy, until I realized I wasn’t trying to win this thing.

That’s right; crazy and competitive Leah isn’t trying to win.

I won’t pretend like that wouldn’t be awesome, but I was barely keeping up with the clock last night, and I still don’t really understand how all of this works.  It’s a learning process, and I’m here to admit I have no idea what I’m doing.  Instead, I’m hoping this will help me appreciate football for more than just my team – although, I did not draft any non-Eagles NFC East players.  Rivalries run deep.