Wednesday Morning: STRATEGIZE, DAMMIT
- Today is the first day that I can add and drop players for week two. I look at my match-up for this week; I am playing my friend Diana's father, Squid (don't ask, just know he is not a large aquatic creature with access to the internet, but instead a Bostonian of Irish descent who likes to remind me to watch out for the EMBAHHHHS).
- Realize I've spent OVER AN HOUR reading BleacherReport.com articles and previews and YOU GUYS WHAT AM I DOING??? I have off work today, and was supposed to be prepping my Crockpot Paleo Chili (whatever, haters) and instead it's now 9:30am I all I've accomplished is making a cup of coffee and washing my face.
- Goddamn it all, now it's 10am and I need to put real pants on and be a productive member of society. It's fine
- Text a friend to ask who to play this week -- Vincent Jackson, or Jordy Nelson. He texts back "VJ" and I listen. I will later on be furious with him, but for now, I'm feeling pretty good about my team going into this week.
- This is not a suitable post for my thoughts on the Ray Rice situation -- I'm not sure if I'll ever feel comfortable expressing my feelings on the NFL and what the organization represents -- but Wednesday night into Thursday I cannot keep myself away from articles and posts about Domestic Violence and the NFL. It becomes really depressing and I feel very overwhelmed about the entire issue.
- That being said, I do not watch the Thursday night game because I cannot stand either of those teams. Le'Veon Bell does nothing for me (okay, he does some things, but not enough for me to cheer up). Also I had to be at work at FIVE IN THE MORNING on Friday, so nope, no thank you, I'll be in bed before that game even starts. It's fine.
- I got home from work around 4 on Sunday afternoon, put on sweatpants, and turned on the game -- THE game, since we only ever get one. We have a billion baseball channels, so I guess I'm spoiled. It's fine.
- Until it's not fine at all, because someone suggested it would be better to play Vincent Jackson instead of Jordy Nelson who KILLS IT and ends up with 26.9 fantasy points all while sitting on my bench. I don't even watch the entire game because I'm just so goddamn cranky. I spend the evening decompressing with my friend, Marissa, and then eating too much food at a diner. It's fine.
- Realize while out that I've watched about 45 minutes of football this entire weekend. Part of why I was excited to play fantasy was to become interested and invested in teams other than my own, but this week was soured by all the controversy, and I didn't watch much. Again, it's FINE.
- Like last week, Leah has to work during part of the game. And, much like last week, when I finish my shift and check my phone, the Eagles are playing like crap and losing. Seriously, guys? Get it together already!
- Listen to the game on the radio on the drive home. Nothing good happens. NOTHING. I get home and change into sweatpants, because I do what I want, and get a score alert that the Eagles have scored. Of course, this happens in the two minute window of me getting out of my car and before turning on the TV. Thanks, football gods. It's fine,
- Realize that the one benefit to being so far behind in fantasy this week is that I have players in tonight's game, and my enemy does not. They are both on the Eagles, so I can firmly root for my own team without any conflict. Also, I only need to get around 20 points to win. It's fine
- Realize that if I'd played Nelson, this wouldn't be an issue. Send a few angry texts.
- Realize that my two players in the game are Maclin and Parkey. So I need the Eagles to win, because they're my team, but I need all the points to be Maclin TDs or Parkey FGs. This is totally rational and possible and I feel a strange urge to root against Shady, but it's fine.
- This must be what Hell is like. The Eagles look ridiculous, and I'm cursing myself for not picking up Sproles (I considered it, but decided not to be too Eagles heavy).
- 4th Quarter begins. IND scores a touchdown. Rage begins, because there is nothing I hate more than staying up late to watch a team lose. I drank extra coffee at work for this crap. I begin yelling at the television, which is okay because no one is home. Yeah, I live with my parents and they're at the Tom Petty concert, so I can be football angry without anyone staring at me. Also, living with my parents is how I get a million baseball channels. It's FINE.
- The Eagles score a touchdown. It's a Maclin touchdown. Parkey gets the extra point. FANTASY POINTS. OH MY GOD, FANTASY POINTS. The game is tied. IND can't make anything happen and Philly gets the ball back.
- No, I take back what I said earlier. THIS IS WHAT HELL IS LIKE. Parkey is going to come in and kick, and he will most certainly make it, and we will win the game. At this moment, I feel such conflict and start thinking about possibilities -- going into OT means more opportunities for Maclin to earn more points, I'm only behind by about 8, so if Parkey misses this, no wait that means he'll lose points, and that means... WAIT. Am I actually considering the possibility of not winning the game right now and going to bed so I can win this week in fantasy? I am a monster. Parkey's kick is good. The game is over. I've lost this week in fantasy, but at least the Eagles pulled out a win.
Lessons learned during week two: don't ask anyone who you should b play, because if it ends up being the wrong choice, friendships will crumble and fall. If I'm going to lose week three, it'll be because of my stupid choices.
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